It has to happen. Every year we’re flooded with the epidemic of “New Year, New Me” posts or photos, and we just choose to grin and bear it. Well this year has been quite different. I’ve actually genuinely enjoyed reading all of your New Year’s resolutions or hopes for the year. Some have been funny, and some truly touching. So, I figured; why not take this one opening to talk about the more personal rather than what concealer I’ve been loving. I don’t talk much about myself on here, I deemed it unnecessary when I began. I’m here to talk about beauty and let’s leave it at that. But why? Sometimes it helps to know even the most minor of facts about someone in order to understand them better. I made this blog for me, so how about we talk about me?
No step in my life has been clearer than the decision to pursue beauty blogging. I realized one day that I led the life of a beauty blogger in every way; I kept on top of any and all new releases or trends, purchasing and trying everything out. My snapchat was filled with what products I was loving, and my friends had almost grown tired of me steering almost every conversation in that direction. My collection was growing and my passion blooming. Throughout this almost 6 year long process, I had never taken it too seriously or given it much consideration. It was a hobby, my education and personal life were obviously more important.
Alas, we’ve all been there. Graduation was coming closer and closer and any clue of where my life was going was getting fainter and fainter. I studied politics. Why? I don’t know. My passion for as long as I can remember had been writing. From spelling tests when I was 8 to short stories when I was 13. My wish to study journalism just wasn’t in the books ironically enough. When faced with rejection, I opted for Politics. I was happy with my decision, my passion for political studies grew and I was given the chance to write as much as I wanted with piles and piles of paper assignments- so much so, that for a while I was certain the next step was to get my Masters in politics. When that chapter ended, I was thrown back into the abyss I was in before I joined the university.
Long story short, one day I woke up with a serious sense of clarity. I wanted to be happy. My friends and I had all been concerned with chasing payrolls, attempting to find a good enough job that would pay the bills and give us something to do everyday. But suddenly I just completely despised that thought. I was overwhelmed with the thought of how short life is, and how big my fear was that one day I would wake up 50 years old and realized I never truly gave the pursuit of happiness a chance. I’m fortunate enough to have a loving, well-off family that supports me through any and all endeavors. I had just worked through a 4 year degree program in 3 years, and they understood the kind of stress and strain I had put myself through. So I was fully supported in the thought of taking a year off to figure things out and cool down. They had that in mind, meanwhile I spent every night for months pondering what I could to do achieve happiness. Suddenly it was all that mattered. I needed to find my happiness, I needed to lead a life that wasn’t wasted, a life that was meaningful to me and only me.
I’ve been single for as long as I can remember, I spent a lot of that time depending on other people for happiness, but suddenly I was ready to be the best me I could be for me. As I shared this speech with my friends and loved ones, I could sense the confusion and concern that I was wasting my life away and being naive in this spiritual awakening haha. I knew they didn’t understand fully or agree, but for the first time it couldn’t have mattered less. It was so clear to me. Beauty and writing were that happiness. I just knew it was the thing I wanted the most, I wasn’t sure how far I wanted to take it or if I even wanted anyone to read what I wrote; but I knew I needed to do it for me. So that’s where we are.
It’s 2017 now, and I’ve explored this dream for 7 months now; but have I fully? With the new year, I’ve realized how much I allowed myself to lose sight of how important this is to me. It had grew to be a chore that I would never commit myself to. That’s the last thing I wanted. So what do I want to achieve with the New Year? I want to give this dream my absolute all, because if I don’t give it everything: what’s the point? I needed to give myself a chance at happiness. So this year I want to completely delve myself into this blog. Where do I want it to go? I’m not sure. As of right now, I’m pursuing as many freelance writing gigs as I can, to keep me going financially and to help me understand the industry more. Because, I think that where I want to be in a year’s time is to have a career in beauty writing. What better career choice could I have possibly made? It’s grown so clear to me that I need this, but I realistically can’t sustain it like this. I need a serious career. So for now, this blog is mostly me practicing and enjoying this hobby, while also building up a portfolio of writing.
A final resolution, if you may. I’d say it’s been a good 7 years now of my resolution almost always being to lose weight. As the situation continues to spiral out of control, I’ve decided to use this clarity and pursuit of happiness to make that dream come true. I want to be healthy, I want to have the body I want. This body is mine, and I’ve never been clearer on how badly I’ve treated it. I want to achieve confidence. It sounds so silly and abstract, but that want has meant so much to me and shaped my entire life. So here’s to 2017, and to the pursuit of happiness and health.
P.s. I’m so sorry, I’ve had to delete and repost the past 4 days because it all got posted in the wrong order and my inner OCD-freak couldn’t stand it!